Have you ever felt sad, for no particular reason, all of a sudden? Like something is bothering you yet you have no idea what it is. Somehow you just feel like crying and you wonder why? Thats how I've been feeling the past few days. As though nobody understands me, yet nobody has done anything to me to make me feel like I'm misunderstood, I'm not making sense am I?
Trust me, I too don't understand this feelings I'm having. Its alienating me from everyone else. I look happy, sound happy yet I am not. I always try to be optimistic yet how do you tell yourself to smile and forget about it when you yourself don't know what is it that's bothering you? I hope I'm making sense here. I get these insane thoughts running through my head when people tell me things. And even when I know they are right, I just can't seem to accept the fact. Its not me. Its not the Tammy I know. I guess it started on friday and everything just went downhill from then. Today i saw somebody, never really hung out before yet was very close to his brother previously. Thing is I have been seeing him for weeks in church yet never had I felt like this before. No doubt he reminds me of his brother and the times we used to hang out, it juz doesn't make any sense. Why would i suddenly feel like this all of a sudden? It never used to bother me yet. What is this feeling? I would really like to know what it is called? Sometimes I just feel that somehow I'm just going crazy. Maybe this is what mad people feel. If i was a third person looking at myself, i seriously would think that I am crazy. Its not right. This feeling is not right. What is it called? Someone please enlighten me!

Looking back through the years, I remember the day it all began
The way you looked, the way you smiled and that laughter
The laughter I'm partial to, the one that belongs to you

It feels like only yesterday yet it happened a long time ago
How is it that u make me feel this way even when u are not around
Just thinking back brings a smile to my lips and I know that it was fate

Fate brought you to me and fate, I hope, will let me keep you
Through the trials and tribulations I finally understand you more
Yet no one and nothing will ever diminish the memories of the day we met
The look we shared, that 1st kiss, the stolen moments though so brief

My heart beats the moment you call and I don't have to see to know you are near
My reflexes and body reacts to your every movement, near or far I will know
For in my heart you will always stay...my true love...Darling You!

You know how it feels whenever something bad happens? So many questions will start running through our minds. Who, what, when, where, why, how. Yet we always look at it from a pessimistic view. Why can't it be a good thing that had happened? Yeah it may seem really bad, but looking at it again is it really THAT bad? Now you probably think that I am mad, how can something bad be something good? Look at it this way, what if something bad has to happen before something good can happen? Do we look at the closed door for too long that we don't realise that another has opened? Has that ever happened to you?

Something really bad happened to me somewhere in the middle of this year and i seriously thought that the world had ended, at least for me. Yet God isn't so cruel as to take something dear away from us without replacing it with something better. We may not see it as we tend to look too long at that door that has been shut. Though HE took something i treasured and loved alot away from me, HE did give me something else in return. I cant say its better than before yet, there are so many things that he has given me in return that i have difficulties weighing which is better to have. Its only human nature to hold on to what has been lost and not realise the other good things right in front of our eyes. We always ask for things we want but not things we need and when we get the things we need but not the things we want we end up complaining. HE took a friend away yet HE surprised me with yet another friend. HE gave me what I lacked and NOW I have my self-confidence, my self-respect. I no longer look down on myself, I don't feel inferior to others and I learnt that no matter what happens I do have people who loves me, who would sacrifice their lives for me. Aren't these better things to have? What more can I ask for? It is true that whenever one door closes another will open. Only thing is, are we ready to look for that door? Do we want to see it? Or are we still entrapped by that closed door? The decision lies with you, to look at the closed door or look for the newly opened one...I know what my decision will be. What will yours be?

Have you ever come across people who tell you one thing but mean another? Well I have. In fact I've been through it so many times that it no longer is new to me. If u don't like a person, tell him/her straight. I'm fond of doing that, thus some people label me a bitch but so what? At least I am not being a hypocrite right? I know of some people who will ask you to go out but after that they talk bad about you. What is the world coming to?

Is there any normal people around anymore? There is actually such a person in my life. Yet, to sever the friendship is rather hard to do. The consequences are severe thus I feel the pressure. What can I do? I want to break off the friendship yet I am being adviced not to. Yeah, patience is a virtue but i have endured for so long it is reaching its limit. These are the kind of situations that will make you think it through over and over again. Is it worth the heartache or is it not? Will I be happier or will I be sad? Have you ever felt like that? These people who never think about the other person and act like an angel in front of others while talking bad about you behind your back are those whom I would call a two-headed snake. You will be surprised that although you may have a good friend and think that the person is good to you, think again, you could be wrong. How do we get rid of these two-headed snakes I'd like to know. However being only one person against these snakes, it would be hard for me, a mere girl to ever win such a big scale fight. I ask all those who are willing to fight beside me against these snakes to come approach me and together may we conqueer and rid the world of such two-headed snakes. This I would like to open to everyone who feel that they have encountered such a person and would like to settle this problem. Maybe together we might be able to come out with a suitable solution that will not leave us on the losing side.

Time immemorial
For some people, the past always brings comfort.

Memories.

Memories of something lost and irreplaceable, like the last cooling touch of rain upon a dry and parched lakebed. Only dead carcasses and the ghost of nothingness remains, taunting and teasing. Shade like fingers appear from within the lost space and reach out,pulling, almost drawing me closer. Closer to the edge that separates reality from delusion, past from present. It is a long way down. A sheer vertical drop from the top that would inexorably lead to death.

But all is not lost. The fine line has not yet been broken and still stands clear and visible to my eyes. Reality cannot be bent and twisted to will, only accommodated, such is its shrewd machination. The seemingly vast endless plain of land we run in is nothing more than a barred and locked up prison with the key tossed out of reach. But despite the tightening chains around my neck, there is somewhat of a lull in the fray taking place ever so silently in my skull. It takes the form of a minty light flutter of air, a zephyr sent by the azure skies as a consolation of life. The malignant manacles suddenly break away as it washes over me. The gouges and carvings in my flesh close up and start to knit itself together as if the wounds were never there. But I do not rejoice for I know this is all another illusion. The bloody cuts and lacerations still remain and the shackles still bind, threatening to squeeze even harder into my flesh as punishment for the short balm that soothed me for just that second.

If only good things never had to come to an end, how unimaginably great that would be. But alas, reality doesn't work that way, does it? It's clawed hands burn with an itch that can only be ameliorated with blood and happiness, wreaking a path of despair in its wake, like a ferocious tsunami sweeping over a helpless city. A shadowless demon lurks at every corner. And you don't even know it's there.

<The above text was written by a friend of mine...due to what had been let out of the bag today, I find this composition very appropriate...Thus i would like to thank Mr Ben Woon for his wonderful composition...Thanks bro...>